Glamorous and geeky

  Hello friends and void. OUTFIT from the other day. tee // skirt // stocking compressio n// o ver stockings // I definitely feel as though I am screaming into the void whenever I post something. Whether here or on my social media. Especially on the social media pages. I feel like I am just talking into or yelling into nothingness. You know, the void. It can be a bit of a mood killer when that happens. As there is nothing commenting back. It seems only the super attractive or those posting more rage bait style or engagement bait style posts get any kind of follow. I am none of those things. And I refuse to do engagement bait. How to spot them?  Rage bait doesn't necessarily have to be in your face with the rage. It can be something small, like a zipper on the back of the dress not zipped up all the way on purpose. Engagement bait? They ask things like "hey cosplayers, show me your most recent cosplays!"or they will say " Show me your PETS!"  and they never respo...

  I once, a long time ago, did not dress how you may have seen me before. I was more of the goth punk type. At least in my teens and very early 20’s. But, alas the constant getting made fun of in school over it. And the not so subtle remarks from coworkers and yes, family. Made it hard to keep dressing like I walked out of Hot topic and Gadzooks. So, when I was in my mid 20’s and older. I decided I needed to dress how everyone else expected. How everyone else did. How all the popular it girls and bloggers did. ​ So, I did. And I was miserable. But hey, at least people were nicer to me. I should say “nicer” because no one really wanted to be my friend. My undiagnosed neurodivergent self was not something anyone else wanted to be around. And yeah,I knew. I knew how others felt about me. I felt like I never belonged. Ever. ​ And then I started blogs, but never happy. Something was missing. Someone was missing . My inner child needed to be healed and then I found SELKIE. ​ The dresses ...

 You know there are days where I dress one way, the alt/gothic fairy that I am. OR others where I wear over the top dresses. Often getting asked when I do venture out into the wilds, if there is a Renn Faire around. Or is there a comic con or something. Which no, I just dress this way as my normal.  It can get awkward. Especially when you see no one Dressed anywhere near how you do. Like in the slightest. Growing up always wanted to wear the prettiest of dresses. And I was able to wear them except at special  occasions. And I was very much the punk/goth girl as I got older. And getting made fun of in high school. And else where, made it hard for me to enjoy it. And so I started to dress as others wanted. Not for me, which I talk about a lot. Because GODS damned it is exhausting constantly trying to fit in. Constantly trying to be a part of the collective. But all the while you do not at all. Because, you are not like them at all. I am happiest when dressed how I want and ...

 Today, I was doing laundry and found a newer dress of mine from Halara, it is a athleisure dress, with built in shorts and shelf bra. A pretty darn comfy dress and one you can definitely chase after your kids or pets in. But, something happened today that involved me looking in the mirror and going ew. I saw how I looked in it. I didn't like what I saw. I didn't like who I saw in the mirror. Which was me. I did not like how I looked in the dress. I didn't like how I looked at all. I did not like the person I was seeing in that dress in that moment.  No. So, here is the thing. I am a recovering anorexic. I have body dysmorphia. I have OCD, literally I do, and this is on top of my other mental stuff. Stuff like BPD1, autism, adhd, dyslexia, I believe I have dyscalcia, which is why I am shit at math, no matter how it is taught to me. I am shit at it. Which is why of all the subjects I homeschool my older son with, math is the one I hire my kid a tutor for. The OCD is presente...

 I have been feeling like a bit of a crisis, like how do I want dress? Do I want to be over the top? Do I want to express myself? I know how I want to dress, I know how I want to be. But then I look at the mirror and hate how things look on me. I hate my body so much. And it is so hard to get things exercise wise done right now with my brain being a mess and neuropathy. I decided I need to get back into 3 mile walks daily again. It is not really too hard to do. And it only takes an hour of my time. That is time I need to get to doing what I need to get myself back into some shape. Not to the extreme that my mind wants, the eating disorder is a nightmare. I have to be careful. So outfits Top // pants // shoes // belt // stockings // necklace I have been wearing compression stockings again for my neuropathy top // dress // shoes // necklace

 I am one who loves to sew, loves it. I adore making things like costumes and dresses. I first actually got into cosplay years ago. Well a long ass time ago to be quite honest. Went to one of my first cons, and it was so uncomfortable how grabby some dudes were, that I never went back. Until recently, I really want to go. They look like such fun and Dragon Con is on the top of my list after doing something local like Mega Con in Orlando, FL. I am working on Orin the Red, a cosplay that fingers crossed will be done for Halloween.  Hoping because it is a 3d printed armor, that we are putting a lot of work into. I say we, because it is my husband and I making it. He does the 3d print and I do all the rest. The painting, the shaping, the wig, the makeup, the bodysuit painting, the figuring out how to make it wearable. The thing about cosplay is making the impossible, possible. That is the case for a lot of cosplay, and Orin the Red is definitely not the exception. Trying to make t...