I look like I am about to cause some mischief and mayhem. Ha. Anyways, here is another rental piece from Rent the runway. I know I cancelled the subscription before, but I ended up missing it? And decided to keep it going. And I am happy I did. Anyways, we will see when things change in 2021. I wore this outfit to therapy and my therapist said to blog this outfit. Well she asked if I did, and I hadn’t. So I blogged it just now. At 6:30 in the morning! Ha. Anyways, I got home from therapy and took pics of it.
So, one thing my therapist and i discussed in my mental health journey is that I tend to feel as though there is something wrong with me as if i am in a constant "i am a horrible person" mode. Which is not true. I tend to feel as if I am always doing something wrong or I am dumb. Or not worthy of anything. Which is not once again true at all. We are good people friends. Some of that notion of always being bad or did something bad stems from a kid and on. where i always felt i did something wrong. There was this crippling anxiety of did bad or doing bad and i am a terrible person and horrible human being. This will carry on through out my life and lead me to choose (unaware) the relationships i am in. My goodness it is hard to keep that up, and realize that people and their projectig is not to do with me and that hurt people HURTpeople.Now knowing this I feel a bit stronger and feel it can help ke not feed into the narrative of others, because it is them. That they wont win and i am ok and am at my very core a good person and nothing is wrong with me. I tell you i felt for years that i was lower than low,underpservinv of anything, that I (this is hard to hear or read i am sure) did not deserve to live.Yes, this part is hard to read huh, but i have felt that so many times through out mylife, depression does not help this feeling.Stilli am realizing more and more that I can not let how others are being effect me, because I only end up hurting me. So, what to take away from this Ted Talk? You are wonderful beautiful and good. There is nothing wrong with you! Love yourself!
I’m finally done with my dress! Finally finished! The dress design came from when I wanted a dress from Selkie. The dress I was wanting was always sold out in my size! The green plaid dress with the slit and ruffle. Oh it was beautiful! But, old out. I knew what I had to do. I needed to make one myself. I looked at the style, checking how to make it. I had a pattern by Vicki sews (I suggest not that one, it was a pain, instructions on pdf and very vague.) I am looking for one that is easier. I looked at the fabric type. Paper Cotton type. Hmm… I went on spoonflower and got the signature petal cotton. It has a nice drape for clothes. Then, I picked out the pattern of plaid. A green Irish plaid. This plaid also comes in other colors! I may do pink next! Fun! The always sold out Selkie . I bought on Amazon a green cotton bolt of fabric 3 yards was more than enough for a size 12. And the original dress has the basic ribbon, I decided to go with a lush black velvet r...
Today, I was doing laundry and found a newer dress of mine from Halara, it is a athleisure dress, with built in shorts and shelf bra. A pretty darn comfy dress and one you can definitely chase after your kids or pets in. But, something happened today that involved me looking in the mirror and going ew. I saw how I looked in it. I didn't like what I saw. I didn't like who I saw in the mirror. Which was me. I did not like how I looked in the dress. I didn't like how I looked at all. I did not like the person I was seeing in that dress in that moment. No. So, here is the thing. I am a recovering anorexic. I have body dysmorphia. I have OCD, literally I do, and this is on top of my other mental stuff. Stuff like BPD1, autism, adhd, dyslexia, I believe I have dyscalcia, which is why I am shit at math, no matter how it is taught to me. I am shit at it. Which is why of all the subjects I homeschool my older son with, math is the one I hire my kid a tutor for. The OCD is presente...
I once, a long time ago, did not dress how you may have seen me before. I was more of the goth punk type. At least in my teens and very early 20’s. But, alas the constant getting made fun of in school over it. And the not so subtle remarks from coworkers and yes, family. Made it hard to keep dressing like I walked out of Hot topic and Gadzooks. So, when I was in my mid 20’s and older. I decided I needed to dress how everyone else expected. How everyone else did. How all the popular it girls and bloggers did. So, I did. And I was miserable. But hey, at least people were nicer to me. I should say “nicer” because no one really wanted to be my friend. My undiagnosed neurodivergent self was not something anyone else wanted to be around. And yeah,I knew. I knew how others felt about me. I felt like I never belonged. Ever. And then I started blogs, but never happy. Something was missing. Someone was missing . My inner child needed to be healed and then I found SELKIE. The dresses ...
I look like I am about to cause some mischief and mayhem. Ha. Anyways, here is another rental piece from Rent the runway. I know I cancelled the subscription before, but I ended up missing it? And decided to keep it going. And I am happy I did. Anyways, we will see when things change in 2021. I wore this outfit to therapy and my therapist said to blog this outfit. Well she asked if I did, and I hadn’t. So I blogged it just now. At 6:30 in the morning! Ha. Anyways, I got home from therapy and took pics of it.
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